Edit: Ninah and gottabsomebody: I just want to thank you. You really helped with your comments which I didn't read until after I posted! I felt really bad for today, and weren't motivated to begin with... I'm sort of bad at restricting though, it's either all or nothing sort of. Because I have so much to think about it's easier to just think "no food" than counting calories and planning meals day by day.
Again, thanks so much, I wish you nothing but success in anything you wish to accomplish!
What am I DOING?! My top priority is still to not get caught, but I can't just give in when someone offers me food. It was a lot easier to resist last week. I need to get back in track. Today has been an endless failure, and it needs to stop. NOW. This is the end and the beginning. I'm fasting until 1st of May. Starting now. I won't count the days, I'll make the days count. I will not admit defeat.
After May first (hopefully I'll be 50 kg or less by then, but I won't step on the scale until I'm there) I will eat fruit, veggies and soft foods for about a week, and exercise. A lot.
After that I'll try to establish a healthier relationship towards food. With food high in fiber and proteines and low on empty carbs. And I want to build some abs and muscles.
I will do this. Tomorrow is a perfect day to start, I have school, then a few hours to drink coffee in a café, then a meeting and after that I can basically just go to bed.
I'll keep it up. I mean come on, only 11 days. Less than two weeks.
What sucks though is that this girl in my class who is not very talkative is hosting this get-together at her place. "Cake eating meeting". I really want her to be more included because she seems so nice, and I want to be there. But I need to prioritize this.
Because the rehab-ana in my class (let's call her "Red") will notice at once. She has a hawkeye out for all the girls in class I think.
Anyways, I'll have to think up an excuse. Today I've been binging and purging and I feel fat and disgusting.
There's no way I'm stepping on the scale. Not in 11 days. Until then I'll just be fat and ugly and avoid full figure mirrors.