This is my ribcage. If you're not here to support, get out. If you're an outsider, get out. However, if you are here on your quest, you are most welcome. Leave a comment, and I will follow you.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 2 - Absence makes the heart grows fonder

This is true for love and food both. But I can do without the last one.

I feel like updating now, as I'm not sure if I can do it later... I couldn't resist this morning, I had to check. It's back to 56, so that's not bad. But now I really won't weigh in before sunday. I'm hoping to get down to 54. Also, I had apple juice again. With the total content of 3 green apples. Argh. But I still haven't broken the fast, so that's pretty neat.
Again, it's just the beginning of the fast. I'm still bummed that my coffee can broke.

Today, I've been feeling completely horrible. I wanted to smash someones face in, possibly my own. I'm sick and tired with everything.
Especially school. I've been acting pissy all day, people have constantly been asking me if something is wrong. Mostly because they love a good gossip. And two of my best friends, or supposdly so, have been really annoying. Like "Someone's in a good mood..."
Don't you just hate that? When people say "are you pissed" and the likes? It makes me a lot more annoyed than I was to begin with. What I hate the most is people who live on a pink cloud (Cloud 9?), a bubble if you will, and can't accept that other people can't be forced to share their values.

And the thing about my father being in the hospital again and all. He still hasn't made an effort to contact me, and I don't want to talk to him if he doesn't feel like I need to know.
I felt a lot better when I saw the comment Anna left me though. You seem really sweet(!), it cheered me up. I'm thankful to have followers, and I read a lot of your blogs although I don't comment so often. I should probably take the time though, because it really helps.
I won't desert this, I can make it this time.
Also, I was thinking about sitting down at my usual café if they're open. I'll call my cousin, who is basically my landlady to be, and ask if Chase and I can come see the appartment. I know what it looks like, but he doesn't. Then maybe I'll call him. I haven't talked to him in a long time, and I feel like I need it. Ew, I don't want to be needy though.
But yeah, I still feel like a pile of nothing. Or no, not nothing of course. That'd be great.
But I'm letting myself fill up on emptiness. Man isn't that a paradox.

List of things that I'm looking forward to:
The summer holidays
Moving OUT
Being thin
The release of my favorite band's new record (Disturbed - Asylum, release is some time this summer)
The convention
Work. Or earn money anyway.
-How pathetic is this list?

Oh dear. Yesterday, with A, he made me watch this video on YouTube. It was the most disgusting thing I ever saw. If I'd eaten anything, I'm sure I would have gagged. But then I thought that this just had to be the best catalyst on earth for resisting food and cravings! There's no way you want to eat after watching it. If so, you can't be right minded. If you want me to post it, just give me the word.

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