This is my ribcage. If you're not here to support, get out. If you're an outsider, get out. However, if you are here on your quest, you are most welcome. Leave a comment, and I will follow you.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Join the fast, anyone?

Oh God. Oh sweet mother of HOLY COW in heaven and the black holed PIT that is my apetite.
Seriously. I am bottomless.
I have been on an epiclong binge since... thursday.
I have commited treason against you and against ana, even mia, not to mention myself, whom I can't even look at in the mirror or heaven forbid step on the scale. If you're wondering, I'm not even religious.
Fuck. I'm positive that I weigh at least 58 kg now. To try to redeem myself, I am starting the second part of the MNF tomorrow since I broke it. If anyone wants to join, I'd be thrilled (it's only like... 5 days in prior, and monday is a good day to start don't you think?)!
So yeah. I'm probably back to square one, AGAIN, all because I've been extremely depressed. Food does not make it better by a long shot, but I couldn't help myself. Damn.
Everything goes to hell. He might be seeing her again, I don't know. I suck at everything, I'm tremendous, I hate most of the people I live with (aka parts of my family), I can't do anything right. Just now I met my aunt. She said she wanted to talk to me, and I said sure.
Then she asked me if my father was in the hospital and I said no way, I met him less than 2 days ago.
But she had talked to him today, and he said that he had been drinking coffee with me and my brother, he passed out and we called an ambulance and visited him in the hospital.
He didn't even bother to call me, just like last time, and he's lying through his teeth.
I just wonder if he hates me or what. And I wonder what's wrong with him this time.
I'm so tired of this, I want to look out for him but I can hardly look out for myself and he obviously doesn't want me closer than an arms length, possibly further.

I fail at life. I NEED to complete the fast this time. Sharp hunger pains are better than this "so full I can't even move" feeling I got now. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I WILL MAKE IT!
... Won't step on the scale until next sunday, and no slip ups. Just comment and link to your blog if you want to join in early with me, ok? The rest of the ladies are on a break now.

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